Marriage Counselling

Why Marriage Counselling?

Many people are reluctant to attend marriage counselling. They feel that consulting a marriage counsellor amounts to admitting defeat, and is a sign of weakness. However, if you are willing to accept that there are difficulties in your marriage, and seek marriage counselling as a consequence, you should really see this is a sign of strength not weakness. With nearly 50 percent of all marriages ending in divorce, and a large proportion of the rest experiencing significant marriage conflict, the evidence seems to point to the fact that it's hard for two human beings to live together. With statistics like that we mist conclude that marriage difficulties in are in a sense “normal”. So you should not feel a sense of failure for seeking help.

Why go to Marriage Counselling? Why Not Just Sort it Out Ourselves?

It is not uncommon to hear people sometimes ask: “Why do we need to see a marriage counsellor? We can work on our problems ourselves”. However this statement misunderstands the purpose of marriage counselling. Marriage counselling should not be about someone else sorting out your problems. Rather it is about someone else equipping you with skills to resolve your own marriage problems.

Good marriage counselling assumes that ultimately only the couple themselves can improve their relationship, but that for some reason or reasons, the way they are interacting at present is not effective in helping them reach that goal. A good marriage counsellor will attempt to identify faults in your current problem-solving approach, as well as deficiencies in your communication skills, and equip you with the skills you are lacking to resolve your own difficulties.

Of course everyone's marriage problems are unique and marriage counselling should involve an individualised counselling plan aimed to address the unhelpful relationship patterns which are contributing to the ongoing conflict or other difficulties.

It is ideal to attend marriage counselling with a therapist that both of you feel comfortable as this maximises the chances of success. You shouldn't feel bad about trying out a different counsellor if you are not happy about the approach of the one you are seeing. On the other hand, it is important that neither of you use this as an excuse to avoid dealing with issues the therapist is raising that you would rather not listen to.

For some suggestions on where to locate a therapist near you who provides marriage counselling, please select our “find a counsellor” link.